Remy (stands and bows): Ladies, your response overwhelms me, and if I wasn’t mated, I would show you just how much. [A devastating smile spreads across his face. Ysabel kicks him and he winces.] Er, just kidding, my hot cougar. You know I notice no one but you now.
Ysabel [snorts]: Pig. Don’t make me punish you.
Remy [winks]: Please do. You know how I like restraints.
Ysabel [a blush across her cheeks]: Would you stop that? We’re in public.
Remy: I’ll behave, promise.
Eve: You’d better or I’ll add a new scene to your story with Ysabel’s cat in it. I hear Felipe has a hankering for demon flesh.
Remy [holds his hands up in surrender]: I give up. I’ll be good. Just don’t feed me to that hellspawn.
Ysabel: Don’t talk about my baby like that.
Remy: Baby? That overgrown feline is the size of a bloody car. And his fangs are the length of my forearm.
Ysabel [crosses her arms over her chest and gives him a look]
Remy [sighs]: He’s a wonderful pet. [mutters under his breath] Not!
Eve: So Ysabel, tell us, what did you think of Remy when you first met him.
Ysabel: He didn’t make the greatest impression. I thought he was a womanizing pig –
Remy: Hey! Not anymore.
Ysabel: -- and I accused him of being nothing more than a pole dancer. But, he grew on me. Once I got past his foul mouth, I discovered his good points. And he’s cute. [Remy renders her an affectionate smile and laces his fingers through hers.]
Eve: I know your relationship got off to a rocky start, what with Ysabel hating men and all. How did you change her mind?
Remy: I begged, on my hands and knees, for her to give me a chance.
Ysabel: That was for sex. My heart he won simply by being him. Despite his ridiculously corny pickup lines, he possesses a big heart, a lot of courage, a mountain of patience and –
Remy: A really big tool?
Remy: What? Can I help it if my sword is so big? [He pulls it out of the sheath he’s got leaning against his chair and grins while Ysabel shakes her head]
Eve: You just can’t help yourself can you?
Remy: Nope. It’s a gift.
Ysabel: Making everything into a sexual innuendo is not a gift.
Lucifer [appearing in a puff of brimstone]: It is too a gift. One that I like to think he learned from me. Can I help it if my greatness rubs off on those who worship me?
Eve: Er, no one actually worships you.
Ysabel [raises a hand looking sheepish]: I kind of did before I got burned at the stake for witchcraft.
Lucifer [a fond smile on his lips]: Ah, the good old days when covens would strip and dance naked around fires. Today’s witches are more into blood rituals and sex with warlocks to increase their magic. What a shame.
Eve: I’m sure Mother Earth is happy for the change.
Lucifer [casts a wary glance around]: Shhh. Don’t say her name.
Ysabel: Are you hiding again? What did you do this time?
Remy [snorts]: Even she can smell the grog and perfume from here. You better shower before you know who catches you.
Lucifer: When did you have the time to bathe? I thought you went straight home after our last mug of grog?
Ysabel [not looking too happy]: You went to watch the strippers?
Remy: The boss asked me out for a beer after work. How could I say no? [casting a glare at Lucifer, he mutters] Thanks a lot. See if I cover your ass next time your girlfriend asks where you are.
[A flowery scent wafts over everyone and Gaia appears.]
Gaia: What has he done now?
Ysabel [pointing at the devil]: He is trying to lead my mate into temptation by taking him to watch hoes strip.
Lucifer: You are so fired. Again.
Gaia: Our bedroom. Now!
Lucifer [grumbling]: I can’t have any fun anymore. How can I be a proper Lord Of Sin when I can’t even sin a little?
[Lucifer and Gaia disappear. Ysabel shakes her finger at Remy who grabs her hand and places a kiss on the palm. His lips move up her arm. They also disappear before he makes it to her mouth.]
Eve: Um, I think this concludes the interview. Be sure to check out Remy and Ysabel’s lover story in A Demon And His Witch. And remember, even when Lucifer is fighting with his girlfriend, he’s watching, waiting for you to sin so he can call dibs on your soul. Thanks for coming everyone.
More about A Demon and his With
Roasted at the stake as a witch, while her lover watches, Ysabel sells her soul to the devil in return for revenge. A fair trade until her ex-boyfriend escapes the bowels of Hell and she’s forced to team up with a demon to fetch the jerk back.
Remy’s seen a lot of things during his tenure in Lucifer’s guard, but nothing can prepare him for the witch with the acerbic tongue--and voluptuous figure. Her mouth says ‘Screw you,' but her body screams ‘Take me.’ What’s a poor demon to do when his heart makes things even more complicated by goading him to make her his, forever?
Before he can decide if his demonizing days are done, though, he needs to catch the bad guys, save the girl and then find a way to convince her to love him and not kill him.