Battling Self Doubt

Monday's are personal posts, and this is one that gets pretty personal.

I am my toughest critic. I can't even express to you the amount of time I spend doubting myself as a writer. Did I write the best story? Did I show enough emotion? Am I as good as half the other authors out there? Oh God, that reviewer hated my book, should I unpublish it?

These are things that go through my head all the time. Some days it gets in the way of my writing to the point I just can't write. I doubt myself too much, that when I stare at my latest work in progress, I begin to wonder, what is the point?

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When days like that hit, I will spend my time cleaning and working through it. Usually these feelings only last a day, maybe two. Confession time, those feelings have been sticking around a lot more lately. I've had a lot of edits lately on books, and each set of edits I learn something new. Maybe I picked up a bad habit (I do this a lot), or the editor might not have seen the vision I had for a story. These things creep into my head and make me doubt. However, I'm not sure edits are the reason why I've been feeling the way I have.

All authors have bad writing habits. Usually with time, we learn and get rid of whatever habit it is, only to trade it in for another.  Every now and then, a bad habit I beat slides back in. This is normal, I know this. This shouldn't get my down. But I usually find I'm disappointed with myself mostly. 

I try not to read reviews, unless they are rated 3 stars or higher. I appreciate constructive criticism, and I do learn things from the lower reviews. Someone might offer good tips that can help me improve, and improving is something I want to do. With each book I hope my writing gets better. I want someone who has read me from book 1, to pick up my latest story and go "Wow, she just keeps getting better!" In case you're wondering why I avoid reviews below 3 stars, well I've had some reviews that were more personal toward me. No, they don't know me, but sometimes someone dislikes a book and the review is harsher. Okay, I had one book compared to a pile of flaming dog poo. That hurts, I admit it. However, I have to do my best not to let it bother me.

Perhaps that is where a lot of the self doubt comes in. Not that said reviewer doesn't like the book, because everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but that usually when I read reviews I'm home alone.

As a writer, I spend many hours alone in my home. If something in my writing career bothers me, I don't have a buddy in the cubicle next to me to vent to and go get a drink with after work. It's just me...and my six cats and dog. So if for some reason the self doubt comes in, I usually close down the computer and don't go back near it. I clean the heck out of my house too. The hubby might like that. :)

In no way is this a blog post leading up to me quitting. Not at all. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, and I want other writers who might be having a down day to know they aren't alone. Just because today is the one where you want to throw the towel in, pull all your books down, and pretend like this never happened, just remember that there is tomorrow.

Tomorrow you'll wake up, and it just might be your day. That day you've been waiting for where you write so much, you know you rock. Perhaps that contract you've been waiting for will hit your inbox. 

Don't give up!

I tell myself this. Even right now, while I am writing this post because I am feeling down. I'm having doubts on if I can make it in this career. 

But I'm not going anywhere. I'm not giving up! I've wanted to be an author since I was in middle school. I've been blessed to have found readers. Believe me, I am so thankful for each and every single one of you. It brightens my day when you PM me on Facebook just to say hi. I love connecting with you. Sometimes I friendly conversation in my readers' group is all I need.

Happy Monday! I do hope that each and everyone who is reading this has a wonderful week! And if today is your down day, Tuesday will be here before you know it. Let's rock this week!